Let’s talk about intention vs. impact.

We all want to raise kids who have a healthy relationship with food and their bodies. And most of us say and do things with love, protection, and care in mind. But sometimes our well-intentioned choices can have unintended consequences.

This isn’t about shame. This is about awareness. So let’s walk through five of the most common food-related mistakes even the most caring parents make—and what to do instead.

1. Labeling foods as “good” or “bad”

Calling a food “junk” or saying “that’s not healthy” might seem harmless, but it can create unnecessary fear or guilt around eating. Over time, this can disconnect kids from their body cues and lead them to moralize food.

✅ Instead: Use neutral language. Talk about what foods do for the body—some give quick energy, some help you feel full longer, some are fun to eat.

2. Enforcing the “clean plate club”

Telling kids to finish their plate, take three more bites, or eat their vegetables before getting dessert teaches them to override hunger and fullness cues.

✅ Instead: Trust your child to decide how much they eat, while you stay in charge of what and when food is offered (hello, Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibility!).

3. Using food as a reward or bribe

“If you eat your broccoli, you can have a cookie.” Sound familiar? This approach puts certain foods on a pedestal, making kids want them more—not less.

✅ Instead: Serve dessert with the meal, or simply offer it sometimes just because. When we stop making sweets a prize, they lose their power.

4. Negative body talk (even about yourself)

You might think they’re not listening—but they are. Saying things like “I need to lose weight” or “I feel gross” teaches kids that some bodies are better than others.

✅ Instead: Keep body talk neutral or positive. Celebrate what bodies can do, not just how they look. And remember—they're watching how you treat your own body, too.

5. Over-restricting certain foods

Hiding the snacks, avoiding birthday cake, or banning certain items altogether often backfires—leading to sneak-eating, guilt, and obsession.

✅ Instead: Create a food environment that includes a variety of foods regularly, including sweets and processed foods. Exposure builds trust.

Reminder:

You’re not doing it wrong. You’re doing the best you can with what you’ve been taught. And once we understand the impact of our words and actions, we can create new patterns that support long-term body trust.